Thick Strawberry Goo

For the second time this tour Phish made me cry. It's kind of getting ridiculous. If I was the type that got embarrassed, it would probably be embarrassing. Similar to the first time (Chicago Slave), it wasn't just a tear or two. It was a full on session. If somebody told my pops (who grew up playing hoops in Brooklyn and at 72 still runs in a full court league) his son would be "bawling" on the floor of MSG, he would think they meant "ballin". But this post isn't about my pops, this post is about my mom. That cry was for my mother. The most amazing woman I have ever known. The woman who loved me more than anyone ever has. There is no love that can compare to the love of a mother for a child. I am in tears again as I write this. As I attempt to put down the words she so deserves for making me the man I am today. I owe her so much and of course it makes me so sad at times that she isn't here. But I also feel such a pride and joy and honor being her son, carrying on her legacy of spreading love and happiness and caring. Of being a beautiful and complete and caring and giving individual. She gave everything she had to her children - her students, her fosters, her adopted children and most of all Kira and me. That's what mattered to her. She was selfless to the point that she gave everything she had, including in the end her life, to everyone else.

I'll get to the show review in a minute but fuck it, this is my blog and I want to talk about my mother. The greatest woman I have ever known.

My mother and father were born and raised in Brooklyn, NY. Coming back to New York is kind of a coming back to my OG roots. Although I was conceived in New York my hippie parents thought Brooklyn wasn't the best place to raise a kid - this was before Brooklyn was the Billyburg of today. My pops had hitchhiked across the country in 1969 heading to San Francisco for the summer of love. He thought the southwest was cool so on a whim they picked up and moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico were I was born and raised. 

I wouldn't change a thing about my past (sans wishing I had picked up a guitar instead of a video game controller), but growing up in New Mexico was tough. There is a reason Breaking Bad was filmed and based there. Albuquerque has a very hard and mean edge. Being the only Jewish kid in a public high school graduating class of 450 had its challenges. I have a younger sister that I love and protected. I grew up on the defensive, causing trouble, arrested multiple times for stupid shit, getting in fights all the time, growing up with a serious chip on my shoulder. 

The only thing that truly kept me from going down a really bad path was my parents, and more specifically my mother. Of course there was crossover but generally speaking my father gave me my brains, street smarts, business sense, education and a Brooklyn toughness. My mother gave me my heart and soul. 

When I got arrested for stupid shit, my mom was the one that bailed me out. When I was called names and bullied, my mother was the one who reminded me and told me how special I was. When I was close to going down the wrong path, my mom was the one who gently nudged me in the right direction. She gave me all the love she had, so much so at times it was overwhelming. The world feels a little fucked up right now, if everyone spread the love and joy that my mother gave we would all be so much better people. 

I was on a business deal in Atlanta about 10 years ago when I received the call from my sister that mom had died suddenly - and shockingly - in her sleep. My heart broke in pieces that day. Friends, family, the dogs, life, music and Phish have all helped me put my heart back together over time. But most of all the memory of my mom and knowing that she would not want me to cry and wallow and feel sad (for too long - I'm sure she appreciated some of the mourning, she was a Jewish mother after all) but rather go out and live my life and do good and pursue happiness. I have tried to honor her in that way. 

My life changed forever the day my mother died. After a few months of hard core mourning and sorrow, I snapped out of it and turned one of, if not the, hardest things I have ever dealt with into some very important life lessons that have permantly changed changed my life for the better. 

Tomorrow is not guaranteed. My mother was gone suddenly with no warning. Friends have died from cancer, car accidents, drug overdoses. It is cliche but the only moment that you are guaranteed is the one we have right now. 

Take care of your health. My mother was a smoker. She didn't exercise. She gave everything she had to everyone else never leaving enough for her self. I was 30 pounds heavier and in poor shape when I got the call. 

Choose happiness. It is incumbent upon you and you only to be happy. Don't choose to be happy at a future date. Don't think happiness will come when this or that happens or when you acquire the next cool thing (fucking bullshit brainwashed consumerism  economy). Choose your happiness. Today. Right here. Right now. 

Spread love and do good. Treat others with kindness and respect. Be a good human being. In the end the only thing that really matters is the interactions and relationships we have with the people in our lives. We are all looking for that "connection" - that's what really matters. 

Tell your friends and family how much you love them. Every time you see them. It might be the last. And it feels good to receive love. It feels even better to give it. 

Hug people with a purpose. No surface bullshit. Be real with your intentions. Give and receive that energy. I always hug heart to heart - it is awkward the first couple times when I go right and most are going left during a new hug but people get used to it and feel that energy. Anyone who has had a fink hug knows that I am not patting you on the back, I'm giving you some of my heart and love and energy and soul. Do the same. It feels good. 

Love and respect and appreciate your family. Sometimes that's easier said than done, especially with blood family. In some situations it's impossible - I have a very dear friend going through serious challenges with his family. In that case it doesn't have to be your blood family, it can and should be the phamily you choose. 

The death of my mother. The most difficult thing I have ever experienced. And the singular event that changed my life and put me on the amazing journey that I have been on these last ten years. 

The last days I spent with my Mother we went to The Rolling Stones at the Hollywood Bowl. The stones were her favorite band. She absolutely loved them. I will never forget being with Mom at the Bowl for the Rolling Stones. "Jedeye" hooked us up. She was beaming with pride and joy, from the music, from being with her kids, from being the mother of two wonderful human beings. 

So when Phish dropped Shine a Light to close the second set the tears started. And they didn't stop. The entire song. It's a good thing I always carry and handkerchief. All I can really say or think about that moment is thank you mom. I miss you and love you and try to honor you every single day. 

If you've read this far you probably know me or are ready for a review of the show. Thanks to the 18 of you that made it thus far. As always this is one man's perspective who has seen a lot of phish, is on tour and is not listening to anything back on repeat. 

All day long people were speculating on what strawberry themed songs the band could play. I thought strawberry fields forever was too obvious. As Pops would say, I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out I was mistaken. Another acapela donut flavored song - seems possible that we will be getting one donut themed cover with instruments and one donut themed cover sans instruments. 

Strawberry Fields was a fun to start off the show. Ever since the space oddity cover the band has really had fun with acapella tunes.  One thing about acapella tunes is that by the time phish hits the stage the crowd is beyond fired up so it's tough to calm down and listen to an acapella number. Either way a nice way to start the show and even though they are a British band there is something very New York about the Beatles. 

The obvious call in the two hole was Halley's because of the thick strawberry goo. Fun time, everyone was enjoying and celebrating the theme of the bakers dozen. But pretty standard - the days of this being a jam vehicle seem to be long gone. 

Following Halley's was the jam of the first set. That moma was dope AF. I always love the moma groove and appreciate the funk when they take it deep. In hindsight it makes sense this was a long form groove because of the cover later in the show of Strawberry Letter 23. More on that awesome funk jam later, of course. Anyway this moma immediately jumps to the top of the best ever list for me, ahead of the Spac moma as it was just that more locked in. 

Ok, I'll admit it. I like breathe and burning. The fact that trey wrote the song following Phish in Mexico means something special to me. I also enjoyed the jam last night and there was a surprising and fun drop into funky bitch. This seemed to be the continuation of the moma / strawberry letter 23 / phish funk theme. 

The show was off to a super hot and extra funky start. Then a theme change up with mound and foam. Interesting songs to play both back to back. They both have difficult changes and unusual beats. Different direction, changed the flow a bit but I was ok with it at the time. Both difficult songs played well. After these songs I turned to everyone around me (and mentioned it again at set break) that we were getting a melt tonight. You could hear and feel the old school tune coming. 

To me the end of the first set fell a bit flat. As just indicated, I thought we were set up for a big and bold and beautiful melt right there. I love roggae (after 23 years of seeing the band I still don't know how to pronounce it) and it had a nice end but we just heard it and I didn't like the placement. Same feeling for squirming coil. Good songs, bad placement, didn't fit the flow of the show for me. I left during page's solo to beat the bathroom and water fountain line. 

Fun times wandering around and saying hello to my people during set break - always fun to hang out, shoot the shot and catch up with old friends and new friends... meeting people at phish is typically a beautiful experience. Strangers stopping strangers just to shake their hand. 

I called for a Rock N Roll (little did I know Velvet was the theme tonight - we assumed the velvet theme for our crew was last night), DWD opens up the second set. It was long but for me didn't really go anywhere. The band was struggling a bit to find a good groove and stick with it. Over the course of a 20 minute jam or whatever there were some moments but it didn't quite lock up for me. This is of course the first part of the disease because the CODA to end the show is an entirely different animal. 

Strawberry Letter 23. Holy. Funking. Shit. This was AWESOME. Mind was blown by the jam and they playing and the way the band came back into the end of the song. I also thought this was, at one particular moment in the song, Trey absolutely showing off. There was a moment there he was absolutely shredding and playing really fast notes for a long time. I now know that this isn't a Shuggie Otis original but it's the version I know and I think the version Trey knows. It was an awesome homage to Shug. I hope this tune sticks around. 

Birds was solid, really enjoyable moments. Surprised page didn't had the chilling "they attack" at the end. Perhaps that's retired. 

I LOVE I always wanted it this way. Outside of Mercury it's my favorite of the new phish tunes. It's so great. I like the little jamtronica sounds and jam. It feels like there take on 2001 (Deodato's cover, not the original). Big phan. That tune is super danceable and funky and fun. More please. Anyway this was the first time trey jumped on the Marimba Lumina this tour. I'm glad, it was becoming too much of a crutch last summer. Anyway I dug the sound here and also noticed something originally pointed out to me by one of my absolute faves and one of the most knowledgeable phans on the seen, Custy Jeni....

Cactus has not been taking many leads this tour. I don't know why but he seems to be enjoying sitting back and laying down the groove. Maybe he just doesn't like phish or has some issues with Trey? He seems to prefer his own band. Anyway that's great but it would be nice to take a more proactive roll on the jams. This was especially evident when Trey moved to the Marimba Lumina. Trey wasn't on guitar so mike was forced to take over and it added an awesome and incredible element to the show. More mike leads, por favor y gracias. 

All of these dreams.... I know it's a bust out and a beautiful song lyrically and whatever. However I felt it kind of sucked the life out of the room. People seemed to disengage a bit. Too slow, didn't like the placement. I'm not really a song chaser though. And I heard it at the worst phish show I ever attended (Vegas 04) so maybe it just brought back bad memories. 

Maybe that's was the exact calm before the storm we needed because then the boys dropped into the Melt I had been feeling all night. One of my best buddies in the world turned to me during a deep and dark and crazy Melt once and said "this is where we lose the women". I blogged that once and - rightfully - got a lot of shit. Of course there are women in our scene who get "it". Lots of them. I catch shows with them. I love them. They get IT. So maybe this is where we lose the amateurs or something. But that line always pops into my head when Melt comes on. I loved that Melt, it was chaotic and fun and incredible. I felt like it could have gone even darker and weirder but Trey pulled it back a little early. Something about them being so happy and in such a wonderful place right now does sometimes seem to take the element of going that deep and dark away at times. But I absolutely dug the Melt. 

I didn't really bond with the first part of the disease. But the return into the coda are the things that musical dreams are made of. Holy guacamole. That was so awesome. One of my favorite things to do at phish is look around and see people getting down, making eye contact, giving nods and high fives and acknowledging when that truly special moment is happening. Shoulder taps, back slaps, group happiness. And that truly special moment was happening. Right then. Right there. Night 2 of the garden. Of 13. Wowsers. 

Peaches in the encore was most excellent. Possibly there won't be a peach donut theme. I was thinking there would be because of all the Allmans teases and jams I have been hearing (eat a peach anyone). Possibly still in play because peaches isn't a new song? Anyway nice song and placement but for whatever reason Phish and Trey struggle a bit with that tune. I'm such a phanboy I typically think phish covers supersede the originals. Peaches is not one of those. 

Speaking of phish songs that supersede the original, Cities up next was awesome. Probably would've preferred they saved it to jam it out but it brought the show full circle for me. After the moment thinking about my mom, I thought about where I was and who I am in my life. I thought about how proud of me she would be. And I owe it to her and my father. And I probably shouldn't write this - display some humility and humbleness (never my strength as those who know me will tell you) or something but I really feel like I'm the one that's got it figured out. 

We hit Circles after the show. Once again they blew my mind. Neal Casal is my number 2 axe man playing today. They lay down such a perfect and fun groove. I was still boogying down at 3 AM. Please do yourself a favor and stream circles around the sun on Spotify and most definitely go see these guys jam when you get the chance. 

Finished the night at Velseka (means rainbow in Ukrainian) with some pierogi, latkes and blintzes. I had an egg cream in honor of my mother. 

Thank you mom. For everything. I will try my best to honor your legacy. Every. Single. Day. 

✌🏼❤️🎼🐠🍩🤙🏼

#liveyourliphe

#collectmoments

#enjoyeverysandwich